Tuesday, March 18, 2008

If Yesterday Was Tuesday, Then What's the Name of This One Again??

Day 5 of College Tour-a-Palooza, and here's how it goes.

1) Get up while it's still dark.

2) Squeeze into tiny motel bathroom for your allotted seven minutes of personal care. Dry off after shower with towel the size of that new Apple laptop. Use more concealer than usual.

3) Grab two cups (or seven) of bad coffee and a few of those little cups of liquid plastic -- I mean Coffee Mate -- and get back in the rental car.

4) Get lost due to traffic construction not shown on www.devilspawn.com -- I mean MapQuest.

5) Huddle in a corner of the admissions office while awaiting arrival of the other 497,913 families touring colleges this week.

6) Follow student tour guide who you cannot hear over the sound of torrential downpour.

7) Listen to adult admissions person talk about how painful it is to turn down several hundred totally qualified kids each year because there's just not enough spaces in the class.

8) Thumb through brochures. Spot tuition, room and board expenses for current school year. Lose appetite for lunch.

9) Eat lunch anyway, on campus. Realize reasonably priced meal plan is probably waste of money.

10) Attend class with your child. Discover they haven't made philosophy any easier to understand than it was 30 years ago.

11) Get in car. Take off soaking wet shoes. Drive to next town.

12) Eat way, way too much dinner. Wish you were not the designated driver.

13) Go to another motel that looks just like the previous motel. Attempt to sleep while children attend to important iPod, laptop, and cellphone business.

14) Do it all over again.

By this morning, our asses were dragging, so much so that we definitely needed this Flying Alarm Clock.

"This digital alarm clock launches a rotor into the air that flies around the room as the alarm sounds, hovering up to 9' in the air, and will not cease ringing until the rotor is returned to the alarm clock base, compelling even the most stubborn sleepers to get out of bed on time."

Now that's American innovation. I wonder where the inventor went to college?


jennifer said...

I think that mapquest is the work of the devil.

Sounds like the trip is going...well? Or not.

HRH said...

What a day. I loved the "Dry off after shower with towel the size of that new Apple laptop" comment. That is EXACTLY the size of those towels. EXACTLY.

Mr Lady said...

The first alarm clock I bought as a grown up was a Fischer Price one for toddlers. It had a big yellow sun for the time button, a lightening bolt for the alarm button, and the radio dial was a huge circle that glowed as a night light.

I bought it because it played It's a Small World After All as it's buzzer.

I would turn it up full tilt at night, and keep it across the room from me.

Have you ever tried to sleep through, "Dada DA DA DADA, da da DA DUM!!!" No human can. I was never late for anything.